Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Letting go of past relationships (updated version 4th August 2015)

I'd previously written here in some detail about how a past relationship had affected me negatively. It was an important time for me to accept the truth of the situation and an equally important step in recovering from the experience. I am not bitter and have long forgiven the person in question. After all, it has helped make me the person I am today and has helped me find opportunities that I am deeply grateful for.

However, I've recently come to the conclusion that I don't need that post on my blog and it is time to let it go. I initially considered deleting it, but still wanted to acknowledge its importance and I didn't want to lose the wonderful comments left by people. It's nearly been a year since I wrote the original post and I feel I have learnt so many wonderful things since then.

Time to let go.
It felt right to me to somehow say goodbye, but I wanted something more symbolic than deleting the text. And then it came to me the other day in our garden, when I saw a small metal bucket just lying unused in the corner. Tonight, I printed the post out, read it for one final time and then set fire to the pages and said goodbye. I feel good, lighter and like a final something has been released. It's a bit of a windy night, so I struggled to get the paper to catch, but it's surprising what a satisfying and little fierce fire can be made from such a small amount.

Thank you for the good times and I release all the rest. 


  1. You are very brave, Anita, for sharing this. I really appreciate your honesty. I think we all need to allow ourselves to show more vulnerability. Vulnerability connects us and shows us that we are not alone in our struggles. I'm on a difficult journey of my own at the moment (something completely different) but your post gave me hope once again. It showed me that everyone has difficult moments in their lives as strong as they may seem on the outside and that the important thing is to take action and make things better for yourself when you realise you are on a wrong path. I'm so glad to hear that you were able to heal and are in a (well-deserved) loving relationship now

    1. Maria, thank you for your lovely comment. Hearing that my post has helped you find hope again made me cry! It was a tough one to write & I was a little nervous about publishing something so personal, but it was worth it to hear from you. Wishing you luck for your journey & I hope that you find your way to where you would like to be.

  2. Oh my word Anita I would never realised you had been to hell and beyond. But despite that quiet person I've met, you really are a tough cookie to have got through that.

    I really hope you never ever have to go through that again. In fact I know you won't, you seem so happy in your new relationship now.

    You will I know give strength and courage to others in a similar situation to what you went through... It should never happen I know, but it sadly does.

    Take care, stay safe and happy.

    1. Hi Steve, thank you for your kind words. I know that I'm a stronger person because of it & wouldn't let someone take advantage of me like that again.

      And yes, I feel very fortunate & grateful for the relationship I have now. He is a wonderful & kind man who has helped me so much in regaining my self-esteem.

      I very nearly deleted the post without publishing, but I've found that reading about other people's experiences has definitely helped me. I could easily blog more about self development as I feel I needed to do quite a bit of work on myself!

      Can't wait for the next meet up :)

  3. I just wanted to say that I am feeling quite touched by all the lovely comments on FB & here! Thank you :)

  4. I stumbled on your post quite by accident...and I'm glad I stayed to read your story. It's a powerful one. Sure, as you say there hasn't been any actual physical violence, no bones were broken. BUT emotional, psychological, mental and spiritual abuse can be just as violent. I'm sure many people would have said "He isn't hitting you, so what's the problem? The so-called abuse in in your head. Stop whining and get on with it." But it takes real courage, confidence and self respect to say "Enough is enough. I will not put up with ANY kind of abuse. I deserve better." I applaud your strength and conviction ... and wish you all the best. Well done, Anita!